please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
