his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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