hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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