My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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