I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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