I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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