last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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