i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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