goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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