i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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