LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
