I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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