hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
