be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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