Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
