Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
