I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
