My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How does it feel to date your dad?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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