found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Who died my cat blue again?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
