I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have demons in me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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