I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
