well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
