Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
