my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
