Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
