tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
