Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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