Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
