I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
