You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
