I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
