I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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