I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My balls are so social today.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
