best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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