...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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