wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
