u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
