Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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