you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
