Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
