I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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