So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dignity is for republicans.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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