dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
