if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
