I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
