Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
