If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
