I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
