how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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