K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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