I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
