when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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