i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
