Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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