So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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