You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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