dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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