Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
