I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
