one word: firstdatebathroomanal
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
