Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
