How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just had sex bonerless
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
