just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
