My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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