Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
