I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
