Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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