the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
