Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
