Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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