There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
