I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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