I'm going to jail i love you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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