Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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