they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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