people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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