He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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