I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
