she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
